Everything else » WITH MY BABY I KNOW WHERE TO GO - a dream


This picture came as the result of a dream a few days before the picture was painted which was the third one of the year.  I used to dream a lot but they seem much fewer these days.  This was a very long and involved dream about a journey.

The overall feeling of the dream in the beginning was of vagueness with me agreeing to go with a large shadowy man who took me into his car where there were other shadowy people.  I was told we were going to catch a train but it soon became obvious that we were too late to catch the train and so we drove the whole way to our destination in what I realised was probably a stolen car.  As I sat in the back seat of the car watching the countryside go by, I realised that I had not bought anything with me for this trip – no spare clothes or even my toothbrush.  All I had was my ordinary little bag and I knew that I did not have enough money or my visa card.  I worried for a little while but stopped when I realised there was nothing I could do about it.

We went to a small town in Surrey (UK) where we wandered around a department store and where I suddenly realised that I had lost my companions.  I sat down and waited for them to find me, but as they didn’t turn up I went off on my own.  I came across two women and explained my difficulties of having no money and not knowing what to do next.  They agreed to help me but as we walked around I found I had lost them as well.

I then found myself walking around in a basement carrying my baby girl and realising that I didn’t have anything for her either – no spare nappies or clothes.  Once again I wondered what I am going to do.  I walked outside and realised that if I went down the steps onto the road I would be near the bus station where I could get a bus to go back to Pondicherry. (this is close to Auroville where I live in south India)

And then I woke up.

Everything in this dream felt very unreal except for the baby.  I really liked carrying the baby and once I had the baby I focused enough to stop walking around in a dream and found the way to go back to where I wanted to go.

This dream made me think a lot about what my baby(s) were at that time.  Of course Buddha Garden is one of them and then, a lot of work was going on with the building of new raised beds and fences. This took a lot of my time and energy, but I felt very focused and I didn’t think that I needed a dream to tell me this.  I thought about my babies – my real ones – but they are grown up now and one of them has babies of her own.  I didn’t think the dream was referring to my grandchildren as the baby I held in the dream belonged very much to me.

I also thought a lot about ending up in Surrey which is where I lived at one stage of my life.  It was at a time before I had children and when I had a very materialistic life style led by my husband and me willingly following his example.   It isn’t a lifestyle to which I want to return and maybe even then it was a bit of a dream as I often found it hard to believe that I could actually live like that.  
Why was I led in the dream by these shadowy people?  It was as if I had got disconnected with myself as I allowed myself to be swept away to somewhere – I knew not where – in a stolen car.  And all this without thinking about the practical things like what I needed to take with me for the journey.  When we arrived we meandered and around and I lost not only the companions that brought me, but also the two women who said they would help me.  Why did I allow this?

Looking back on this dream I still don’t know what it was trying to say to me.  Often when I paint a picture of a dream I get a better idea of what the message of the dream is, but it did not happen in this case.  I did re-experience the feelings of the dream more strongly though – the unreality of the people and the journey contrasted with the focus I felt carrying the baby and knowing how to get back home on the bus.  Maybe the dream was telling me to focus on practical things as a way of seeing what my next step should be.

9th August 2010